Well, its Saturday afternoon, officially.  I am sitting in the 'TV room' looking over the top of my sister's laptop computer at the recumbant form of my dog, nested into 3 or so inches of foam, plastic and a beat towel, surrounded by area rugs.  He looks generally miserable, though not in pain.  His hip is where it should be, the bandage dry and secure and yet...I am filled with a dread I haven't known before.  I suppose it comes with owning a pet and being really attached to it.  When that animal starts to have problems as they age, like when the golden age of your car is over and it starts nickel and diming you to death.  I fear deeply that this is the literal beginig of the end.  The vet seemed really optimistic when I brought Malachi home yesterday evening.  My hope has grown as I've watched him grudgingly get up on three legs to change position or go to the bathroom.  I don't feel like it's hopeless like I did when he was laying on the exam table panting,  the interdigital cyst on his good leg bleeding everywhere and looking ratty and old.  I feel better, but under that coating of hope is this blackness.  The real possibility that before the 14 days in the sling are over his hip will dislocate again, and I am out of money.  That his blood tests will come back with something serious.  Or even that his quality of life will not be better, but worse.  Because he cannot speak I can only guess how he feels or what he wants.  That's frightening too, because he's so stoic.  I may not know if he's really unhappy.  He's always looked kind of miserable.  The thing that twists my guts the most and makes my eyes burn to think about is what if he's good, what if the thyroid meds take the weight off, his hip mends and he's happy, really really happy, with more mobility and energy than he's ever had...and then he dislocates it again.  And I don't have the money then either.  I know, cross that bridge when youget there. That's the plan.  But my hope is marred.  My love for him is fierce.  I know I would do anything I could for him.  But I fear that what I can do will someday not be enough.  Mortality weighs heavily on me.  Mortality and the prospect of perpetual poverty which I could struggle to free myself from my whole life and never succeed.  And then how will I care for myself should I fall off a step and dislocate my hip?  How will I tend to my teeth, and whatever else comes along?  It is an understatement to say that this event has changed my life in a day and a half.  Maybe not my life, maybe what I mean is my mind.  My sort of invulnerability that I have felt.  Maybe now I am an adult

I like to think of myself as an intellectual, above the empty pleasures of the masses, however this is not true.  I do indeed enjoy literature, political debate, keeping traditional hand crafts alive, dancing social traditional dances and learning about other cultures but my pleasures have a dark seedy underside.  The guilty pleasures if you will.

I really enjoy terrible pop music.  Not all of it, only the songs that catch my ear when I switch the dial in the car over from classical 91.5 to the pop station.  They have to be catchy, danceable, and its better if they are vapid and full of longing for earthly pleasures.   I make these songs in to ring tones and then pass them around.  Percentage wise these songs make up about .5 of what's actually out there on the air waves and I continue to be offended by most pop and hip hop, but again, some of it is so catchy or so obnoxious that novelty catches hold and I scurry off to download the tune.  The latest guilty playlist?
Pitbull - Hotel Room Service (Disgusting and overly cocky, but I love the refrain and the mix in the background)
Lady Gaga - Poker Face ("Check this hand 'cause I'm marvelous")
Lady Gaga - Lovegame (I love to play this in the car with my Mom, who humors me)
Timbaland - The Way I Are (I heard this on a McDonalds commercial last year and was hooked.)
The Pussycat Dolls - When I Grow Up (What girl doesn't want to drive a nice car and have boobies?)
Lily Allen - Friday Night (that's right, kick some ass in the club when that girl looks at you crossways)
Lily Allen - The Fear ("I'm packing plastic which is what makes my life so f*ing fantastic", fiscally irresponsible)
Beyonce - All The Single Ladies (Okay, great song. I am totally learning the dance routine from the video.)
3OH!3 - Don't Trust Me (I enjoy the truth. Don't trust a 'ho)
Britney Spears - Gimme More (Yeah, I know, totally unforgivable)
Flo Rida - Shorty Got Low (My sister and I club dance to this and see how low we can go.)

My other terrible media consumptions?  Well, I avoid women's magazines like the plague but for some reason, even though I am positive that Martha Stewart is a denizen of hell, I love her magazine.  I also read Esquire, which I have had a running subscription to for almost five years.   There's something so soothing about men's fashion (jacket, shirt, pants, shoes, belt, done!).  Also the fabulous lack of articles about how to better please your man.  There's a fat stack of back issues in my bathroom, which I lovingly refer to as 'The Library'.

I have watched a lot  of reality TV.  I mean hours and hours and most of it on VH1.  This should probably mean a one-way ticket straight to hell.  I rationalize my mild addiction with the fact that the ones I enjoyed and recorded on the DVR for myself were less heinous because they didn't focus on someone finding 'love'.  I loved Charm School, until they started letting the girls vote who gets expelled.  I liked it because I felt that the women were actually being encouraged to be better than the ho-bag bitches they were on the dating shows.  I especially liked how Sharon Osbourn put the smack down on the rock-of-love girls.  Go Sharon!  I watched all the I Love Money shows and always rooted for Frank the Entertainer, though I could have lived forever without them showing him lick New York's toes again.  I don't have cable anymore, and I watch almost no TV.  I don't really miss VH1 or any reality TV for that matter.  Having been distanced for a few months I now see it for the vile thing that it is.

Other sort of pedestrian pleasures include buying coffee at gas stations (I am totally addicted to Fastrak), tabloid magazines which I cannot bring  myself to buy but read while waiting in line, and Dailymail.co.uk. 

I know  a lot of alums from Andrews read this blog or at least get notification that I am posting, so I want your opinions!

I recently moved home to the finger lakes region of NY and subsequently to the church whose love and support made me want to be SDA.  Now that I am an adult and have been a member of this church for 16 years I'm starting to see it differently.  The change in the way I see things is not negetive, its simply different.  I have spent the last 16 years attempting to refine myself spiritually and socially through prayer, study, observation, introspection and over all striving to know God's character better and reflect it, beyond what I am told from the pulpit. This process is clearly called for in our church's doctrine (we call them fundamental beliefs, but come on, we know what they really are).  As I grow (or think I am growing) I have come to believe that the most important change God ellicits in a person is the tolerance, respect and love we should show one another, not just other 7s or Christians, but everyone.  Its through this love we're identified as belonging to Him and also the strongest tool we have in our possession for the testament of God's goodness and the help of our neighbors and friends.

"A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another."
John 13:34

I have become increasingly concerned with the SDA obsession with evangelism and baptism into the church. Its like a big numbers game with a lot of pressure from the confrence to get people in the door.  I think this generally decreases the quality of the relationship between new members and the established congregation.  No one ever reports on how many of those new converts leave after a certain length of time.  Nor does anyone (that I have heard lately) talk about how we should treat these new members.  Legalism is probably the number one reason why anyone, established or new, leaves the church.  Legalism equals judgment and negative criticism which is not loving. Unfortunately a lot of Christians in general stand on church doctrine as if it is biblical truth and fight tooth and nail to make their neighbors conform.

The general elitism and isolation I see is also of concern.  SDAs by and large in my experience (note: my own not researched or held up by stats) build their churches, schools, and other institutions as far from the general public as possible (as teneted by EG herself, or so I am told) and generally don't get involved in community works.  SDAs by and large also do not socialize outside of the church and are horrified when their kids bring home a non-SDA.  This is a big blanket statement, and I know that at Andrews the students did public works in Benton Harbor.  However, around here, nobody in the surrounding area knows anything about my little church, or anything about SDAs, except maybe that we don't dance, wear jewelry or do anything fun on Saturday.  Basically to a lot of locals we're just a bunch of weirdos.  That is not how I want my church to be known!  My congregation frets when someone leaves and goes to another church, a Sunday church.  They act as though those people are going to go to hell, or at least not to heaven.  That's sort of silly to me, if they left its because they weren't loved or nurtured or they just didn't understand.  Thank God we're not held responsible for what we really don't understand.  Those people who leave, and go to another church are still Christians.  There won't be any SDAs or Methodists or Episcopalians in heaven.  Just children of God. 

I want to see my church get involved in community works, to help support local programs that help the sick, the homeless, the downtrodden and those who need help finding a safe place from gangs or family abuse.  That's the way to show people the goodness and mercy of God and the desirability to serve and work for the Kingdom.  Evangelism has it's place, and so do baptisms, but I can't help but think that its not so much about winning souls for heaven as it is income for the conference. 

So, now the question:
I'd like to start a discussion with young SDAs about whats going on in the church in general and how things should change. I love my church and my concern is to see it grow and flourish and share the tremendous love I have felt with other people.  Our age bracket is stepping into positions of power and I want to know what we want to do with this huge institution to help people to know God or at least know Love.  I don't believe things can stay the same forever and I know that the SDA church in the US is struggling.  How can we make a difference?  You know my opinion above, but I want to know what's happening with others, in cities, in different communities.  If I start a blog about this and invite guest writers and opinions on the subject would you read it?